题目
学生初稿
一些辩解/订正
1. 7.4 to 7.10 是题目里的表达，所以也照用了；
答：不规范。应改为：from July 4th to 10th.。
2. on one’s home 没有 to，为什么 go your home 加 to？
答：因为此处 home 不是副词，而是 名词。通常 go to + sp.。
3. And play go outside bring your cute cat with me. 想表达的意思是：“我出去玩，会带着你的猫一起”；错因：一个句子出现了多个谓语动词：play、go、bring 堆砌在一起的。
建议表达：When I go outside, I will bring your cat with me.
拓展：I will bring your cat with me to some famous attractions when I hang out. So you can rest assured that {your cat will be safe with me. / I will keep your cat safe.}
4. 短语错误（笔误）；答：名胜古迹 many places of interest。
5. 冠词使用错误（笔误）；答：responsible 是辅音音素开头，前面用 a；
6. 语气上的问题：I am a very responsible person, and I would love to help you out.
答： “Hope our life will better. ” 语法角度上，will + adj，谓语是不完整的。应为：will be better。再者，内容上并不是信件的经典结尾。信件结尾，可以是：I look forward to hearing from you soon. 期待你的回复。Thanks for reading this letter. 谢谢你读信。Thank you for your time. I hope to hear from you soon.
初改
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Colins,
My name is Li Hua, and I will be in London from July 4th to 10th. I saw your post and would like to offer my help when you are away.
I can come to your home to keep it clean and take care of your cat. I will bring it with me when I go outside, and we can visit some well-known tourist spots. I promise that your cat will be safe and well looked after. I am a responsible person, and I believe I can take good care of your home and your cat.
Thank you for considering my application. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,
Li Hua
分析：改掉了基本错误。句式相对单调而缺少变化。虽然题目的要点基本覆盖，但是扣题并不明显。且框架并不清晰。
写作步骤分析
Step 1 审题
题目要点：邮件格式，说明情况，目的和理由，照看计划。
Step 2 列大纲
总（说明情况，目的）-分（理由，照看计划）-总（表达期待被选中）；
再细一层：选猫，自我介绍、我需要去旅行、目的，想有地方可以待同时能够和猫猫一起相处；理由，我能够胜任职责（有照顾猫的经验、会逗猫、清理猫屋等；我喜欢猫，所以愿意花时间陪伴并和猫玩耍）；照看计划，早中晚（早上喂食+水、中午饭后逗猫、晚上清理）；表达感谢阅读，简单总结收尾。
Step 3 写草稿
头脑风暴句式表达（考纲单词短语，常见宾从、定从和状从）；
Step 4 检查
用错误 list 依次检查（主谓一致、形容词副词使用准确、单词拼写无误等）；
Step 5 写（正式考试）/ 总结（积累自己想表达但是不会的表达）
二改（增加连接词/丰富句式表达）
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Colins,
My name is Li Hua, and I will be visiting London from July 4th to 10th. I am writing to apply for your house-sitting position because I am a cat person, and I would like to have a place to stay there.
As an experienced cat owner, I have extensive knowledge of cat care, such as feeding, cleaning the litter box, and providing companionship and attention.
Since Mimi is clingy(粘人的), I will make sure to spend most of my time at home with her and only go out for short visits to local attractions. In addition, I will clean the house every evening to keep it clean and take good care of Mimi by spending as much time as I can. More importantly, I will play with her regularly to keep her active and happy.
I would be grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mimi during my visit. Thank you for considering my application.
Sincerely,
Li Hua
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